It was a feeling of conscious dying. Its all an illusion and a wonderful dream of life. It was around night 11PM and I was sitting on my rooftop looking at the stars.There were a lot of starts and I focused my vision on one of the stars. I starred at the stars as if nothing exists and as time flew by which was not in my awareness, I felt that I was filled with starness of that star.Tears rolled over my eyes out of bliss.
Separation was hard and the day was awesome with tears.I then moved out to my room and sat looking at the mirror on how I looked. I felt like I lived a poor life since I thought giving is richness.To Understand richness is like understanding there is nothing you have got to give. A feeling of utter emptiness and I smiled in the mirror to understand that the mirror is empty as well.In a Flash everything looked like a reflection of her. An Understanding that Life is full of moments and the emotions cannot be freezed. The Fan above my head was rotating at a speed such that I could not see the wings.It appeared as if the wings does not exists. I kept staring at the fan for seconds. I woke up from the chair and moved to my bed to close my eyes.
Night Lights in Mumbai (With Sounds of Traffic)
I happened to travel to Mumbai for no reason to attend a marriage of friend’s friend. My Friend compelled me to travel with him since he did not get any company. We were about to reach the marriage hall and it was around evening 5:30PM. I did not know anyone in Mumbai nor I knew Hindi to understand a conversation and I completely relied on my friend during the travel. We reached the marriage hall around 6:00PM and it looked like a palace filled with colors and lights. There was lot of traffic as well near the hall and I just crossed ahead of my friend to reach the hall inside.
I started my walk inside the reception. I had no thoughts running in my mind and I was completely blank. It was in this blankness I found her. She was standing near the reception in blue saree along with other girls. One thing was sure to me that this is not Love and the emotions were so electrifying. I walked slowly towards her with a raise in heart beat. I felt friendliness for the first time in my Life as I went near her. She had a rose in her hand and greeted me with a smile. I felt completely blank as she looked at my eyes.
The girls around her asked me something in Hindi and I stood starting at them and answered something strange in chaos and they all started laughing. She did not laugh and stood smiling at me and it was so awesome for me to find her looking at me without any prejudices.I jovially asked and waved my hand if she needs the gift which was brought for the brides. Her friend sitting next to her asked what you will buy for this sister. I said to her, “So Clever” and added You are my sister and She is not and I smiled at her.
I asked her name for which she replied and I was just standing in front of her looking at her. My friend came and asked me to move in. I replied to her that I will just come back. I went with my friend inside and handed over him with the gift box and I said to him that I will come in few minutes.I quickly went outside to check the girl whom I met. When I went there, She was not there and I asked her friend where she is. She said she has gone out to brides home which is few kilometers away to bring the Bridegroom dresses for tomorrow. I asked her the area name and started moving in search of her.
I was completed filled with her and I walked for around one hour to find her in the streets here and there asking in Broken Hindi and I had no idea about the place or streets but I had a small hope to find her somehow.My friend called me few times and I switched off my mobile out of distractions. I finally lost all hopes and I tried returning to the marriage hall. In the street next to the marriage hall, I saw her walking along with her friends. She has changed her dress from saree to pink chudidar in which she looked gorgeous.I just felt so happy in seeing her and rushed towards her to speak. I just went forward and crossed the road and appeared like I was walking in the opposite direction of her. When I reached her, I showed a surprise stating Hi. She stopped while the other girls moved away in a slanting manner. As they waited in the side, I waved them to leave and handled over the bags to them which had some marriage materials.
As we stood there standing each other, a guy selling balloon walked across and She was so girly asking hey we can buy a balloon. I had a few tears in my eyes to have used my ego to cross the road and to appear casual in front of her. With this thinking I just stood for few seconds and noted that the balloon guy had walked far and I ran to get a orange balloon to give it to her. We reached the marriage hall and she asked if we can have pani poori which was given in front of the hall outside. We sat near a big tree in front of the hall and looked at the Nights lights of Mumbai and the passing traffic. Whenever few girls crossed the tree, I was conscious enough to look only at her for which she kept smiling at me.
It would have been a hour we just sat not talking much and the intimacy was heart felt as if the moments were freezed for hours and then as we heard a sound, we felt like crying but we couldn’t and we looked at each other. The balloon which she was holding burst with a sound and there was silence everywhere, a feeling of no movement of traffic, people and both of us. She got a call from her friend and she looked at me and said, Chalo lets go inside and as she walked in with her friends and I just wanted to go behind her but I couldn’t and my friend asked me if we can start back to stay in a friends home at night and to leave tomorrow. Hearing it I was not able to take any action, I just wanted to see her once again and searched her to say good bye.The night was so cold and the moon was bright but I had only a feeling that “Night is all about a Hangover of Emotions and Dreams”.