A real story of how a girl guided me
For Years a girl did not talk to me and the first time she rejected me, I went through a phase of understanding the patterns within me and came out of the mind thing. I was roaming empty minded with no thoughts. With efforts and without efforts she did not talk to me. Initially I was not thinking or making a fuss about it as I understood her own freedom. But things got worried since she accepted me to chat with her but not to talk with her or meet her in live. I could not understand this because I did nothing for years and yet she is still angry on me or not ready to accept me to say hi or talk. In this second phase or state, even though there are no thought patterns, I was able to witness the core functioning in me..I mean the core characteristics or behaviors in me such as anger rising, no desirableness,lack of interest in worldly affairs. Having understood the emptiness and reality but still these mind fluctuations were popping up from somewhere. I had some thoughts that why certain aspects like lack of interest is popping up when a attitude for doing something could have popped up. This time she opened me into the world of mathematical equations of Individuality. Of course, we are living in the common world of certain personalities patterns from schools, colleges and office were human products come in a certain line of societal conditioning behavior where the access to your core would have been in unconscious not letting you discover your own self.
By self, I mean the things like why are you behaving the way you behave. I remember the line she said,I am not comfortable with your odd behavior where in reality I didn’t feel anything like odd behavior but what made her feel that my behavior is odd.I felt the words behavior.. behavior..inside me to understand my behaviors or what is causing my behaviors. For instance, Some behavior patterns such as Why is that I am not excited about money when others are running behind money or Things like why is that I am reserved and why not talking. why is that I am detached in life where you may be inclined to government job and why not listen carnatic music rather than pop. Why are you bored in sports and interested in boring marketing job when I hate roaming outside. Things like why I am behaving the way I am behaving and not the other way around. I figured out certain attitudes in me which are not helping me and people around me because of my behavior. Of course, the outside people try us to mold to their interests and why is that you resist them or accept to go with few people like your spouse or may be adjust with spouse or business partners.
With these ideas, I was trying few things to alter my personality traits and found that the real burning desire of the model personality were not turning out. A interview of actor may excite few people rather than a business man speech like Steve jobs. Why is that I am not able to be inspired to take action from academic guys advice. I don’t know, One day I talked with my manager very openly that I am not excited about my life and my ideas towards life. He was cool enough and said he have not met any person like me. More than him, that talk made me identify few core behaviors about me based on the free talk and also at the right time as the questions came out from my manager about me. A few days,later my friend called and talked about the equations of numbers in relation to persons behavior and why two persons are not able to relate well. It made a few sense to me and increased my curiosity to do a research on astronomy or astrology relations and numbers. I can say I am satisfied with the answers I found and it matched to a greater degree which I was looking for.
The Permutations and Combinations of a Personality or I can say in identifying ones own individuality is too much that there cannot be any person similar like you ever. In that way, its a very complex phenomenon which cannot be exactly understood by an individual level of mind.
Understanding my own complexity nature I have to understand the universe play of numbers and degree. The Core for predictive science or base is “astronomy” – The Study of planetary positions and with that base, the arts of my understanding, the decoding was used to study the influence of planets within the person mind(say in this case, me). However, the idea I say is that astronomy is science whereas astrology is the derived art from the science exploration data. How a person decodes the data is the real art because there are so much complexities in it and not a direct formula. Earlier, in few websites I would have seen my birthday personality or for my zodiac sign and here and there, there would be few matches like 30 or 50% match or we may feel okay reading them. These zodiac sign astrology or numerology are incorrect in every sense to project personality for 12 signs for the billions of people. In reality, the astrology is a research and intuitive art. One needs to have a solid understanding of mind and beyond mind to first understand the nature of existence. You need to break your belief systems to free beyond mind to understand certain new belief systems. For example, How can one believe that when a child is born, its planets influence and until you go beyond this, you cannot figure out what I mean here or a question of your belief would continue.Next comes the analysis of the planetary positions and what it decodes. How about decoding say 98% information about your behaviors, attitudes and patterns you would behave. I mean the core of you?
I felt like I am seeing only numbers in the universe everywhere which are being played the way they play. Of course, the events are new and there is a free will one can think of and participate in the game of Life. To me now, my nature is isolation oriented because seeing the numbers playing its role does not make any sense for me to participate as I am witnessing with a free will attitude thinking that I don’t like participating in this game of predictive random patterns and I still lose the game, because the finding is that my nature of number is playing in isolation. I hope you got it.
A Few days of these analysis is like encoding my entire life or like the encoding the universe patterns to see some wonders.Never mind if you cannot understand or this post does not make any sense. This is just about ‘Self’. Even the ‘No-Self’ or the so called Enlightenment is not a goal to achieve. In fact,the so called Enlightenment is a momentary issue of realization but understanding the dynamics of objects and subjects in the universe is truly a delight to understand. The reality to understand is that Just living in Zen is awesome!
If someone is curios to know more about this or to know about your nature, I can guide some help since I feel it can give me satisfaction and also my way of helping others to explore their inner nature. I am thankful to my friend as well as existence.
Few Scribblings, Never Mind 🙂